I Said #YestoGod

12:21 AM

This has been the hardest study I've ever gone through. All through it more events have occurred and more challenges than the last several months. The biggest one is my current relationship and the challenges we've had.

For those of you who know from a previous mention, I am courting a man who is in the military. He is also long distance and I am a very friendly type of person. Loyal. I cherish any friendship I've had. I struggle with separation and loss even if the loss is helpful to me, to the point of feeling overwhelmed. The calling God has on his life is making me have to face so much loss. Including two friendships that were not healthy.In addition, I hate death.

Especially with these threats of Syria going on.
Last night my mind filled with overwhelming thoughts of being ill equipped, helplessness, weakness, and lack in confidence that I just couldn't do this. I fought him hard as more and more fears crept up till I had to make a choice.

Last night was the pivotal turning point of our relationship. I sat on the brink of breaking, calling everything quits and going back to a comfortable life without scary decisions. As my boyfriend shared the possibilities of his future with me, my mind swirled and all I could do is agonizingly cry out to God from my spirit for clarity and comfort. 

The reading of God's Word and a double confirmation of certain Scriptures immediately brought rest to a burdened soul.
I recalled how about a month ago when I first started this study, God chose to bring me to a church (after my local church broke up) where I have the opportunity to study Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University at a major discount and learn to manage a budget and basically take care of my finances in a way where I would feel competent in it. It also happens to be the same denomination my boyfriend is.

God is equipping me. He is using every incident, every bit of this separation from my boyfriend, and these tools, He's presenting to help me prepare for this. Why He's chosen me for this kind of life? I don't know. I have no clue because it goes against every bit of my nature and personality, but if I was equipped in the beginning, how could God get the glory in any of this?

Now, I have the choice. I could choose to walk away from all of this. Wait for a man who I could live a more comfortable and quiet life without the possibility of war on the horizon and losing the very man I'd marry, but then that would make no sense to what he has felt called to in life that is beyond military life. This is my opportunity to trust.

Two dear friends gave me this little calendar devotional book for my birthday that I am cherishing because each day the verse and the devotional have spoken to me. It wasn't till past midnight that I was drawn to its pages. The excerpt read:

"About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing songs to God as the other prisoners listened."
~Acts 16:25

"Great acts of faith are seldom born out of calm calculation. It wasn't logic that caused Moses to raise his staff on the bank of the Red Sea....And it wasn't a confident committee that prayed in a small room in Jerusalem for Peter's release from prison. It was a fearful, desperate, band of backed-into-a-corner believers. It was a church with no options....And never were they stronger. At the beginning of every act of faith, there is often a seed of fear."


Wow....just wow. What can I say to that? Again, I am reminded that my future is not my own. It's God's to use how He intends. I could just snatch it out of His hand and live my life the way I see fit and pleasant. But I want God's blessing in my life. I want God to have the glory through me. I want to see what all this struggle, pain, and uncertainty is leading to. 

Call me adventurous or call me foolish, but I know when God is leading me and I'm definitely being lead to something. God loves me so it will be good even though I can't see all the blessing from it yet. I can say that removing these friendships from my life that were unhealthy attachments is opening my eyes to how much I depend on friendships for my own worth when God wants to show me my identity in Him.

My boyfriend is constantly reminding me how valuable I am in God's eyes and that my worth is not determined by man's standards. Yes we have flaws. I do, he does. But looking beyond those flaws and choosing to love is giving me a whole new perspective on life and what love is. We are told by the world that love is a feeling. 

That if the feeling goes away for whatever reason that the love goes away too, but it's not true. Love is a choice. I have said #yestoGod in everything I've been asked to do so far and blessing is ahead. Growth is happening. It may not make sense to me now, but it will because God has this. He has me, He has my future, my boyfriend, my boyfriend's future, and Lord willing our future together in His care. 

Saying yes has been so hard through this time. I've lost so much and continue to lose things I've held dear, but what I am gaining exceeds the losses, one of which is a boyfriend who is committed to seeing this through and has been loving me through all my mess. God is writing this love story and there's a good ending.

It's sad that this is the last blog entry for this study. Thank you for reading through my life ramblings. I have been blessed by those who are following, commented, or both. You ladies have inspired me to keep writing and have been uplifting in ways you don't even realize. Praise God for the body of Christ.



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10 comments
Rebekah Samuel

AUtistic. 🧠 Artist. 👩🏻‍🎨 Author. ✍🏼 Life-Coach. 👊🏼 Techy. 🤓

I speak on faith, the military life, social issues, politics, ASD, mental health, and God's Word.
🔍 I am helping people heal through my writing, life coaching, and counseling. Check out my new book "Letters of Love"! ♥️

IF YOU WANT TO HELP SUPPORT ME IN MY WRITING, RESOURCES, AND MINISTRY,
PLEASE CONSIDER GIVING A LOVE OFFERING. THIS HELPS ME CONTINUE TO DO THE WORK I AM DOING.


Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing your heart and expressing no matter the lose or the pain you are feeling or have experienced you are continuing to trust God and trust that He is in control and that a blessing is yours to come. Continue on this journey saying #Yes to God.Blessings as God continues to write your love story.
    Marilyn (OBS Group Leader)

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  2. Thank you for sharing!
    I love this line from your calendar...
    "At the beginning of every act of faith, there is often a seed of fear."
    God bless you. Have a wonderful day!

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  3. Thank you for sharing! A felt a peace about my current situation and some of the similarities that are in both of our situations. I am praying for you!

    Tiffany

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    1. Thank you so much for the prayers and I'm glad you were blessed by this. It's nice to know that I have sisters out there who are going through similar things. It gives me more peace that God is sending just the right people to bring calmness to my heart. :)

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  4. This reminds me of what has happened to a friend of mind. Her son was at Basic but his body just wouldn't let him stay. Once the stuff in Syria started hitting the news, her sister kept sending her text messages how the boy would have to go. She became afraid!

    Long story short ... She came to a point where she said, "Whether he stays or goes, he is in God's hands and he will be ok." It's human to be concerned. It's godly to be surrendered to God's plan not just for ourselves but for the people we love. He has a plan for each of us. Not only do we come to Him with #palmsup to receive blessings from Him, we have to come to Him with #palmsup to give Him out heart, soul, and strength. We can't do anything without Him! And we can't be used by Him to encourage and strengthen each other if we haven't learned how to give Him FULL authority over the things we hold dear ... including the loves of our life, children, friends, co-workers ... the list is endless!

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    1. That is so hard! My boyfriend was mentioning how he would have to go if war breaks out which is so sad to me. I mean we're not even engaged yet! Thank you for the kind words. I cherish these uplifting messages that help me press onward. Thank you for following my blog, Vivian!

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  5. God bless you for looking fear in the eye and knowing you have a God bigger than all of them! Stick with it. God will be with you through what I can imagine are many more difficult times. My sister is the wife of a military man and it can be very hard. However, I can say without a doubt she is glad she made the decision to continue to love this man. :)

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    1. Hi :)
      My boyfriend keeps telling me things will get hard, but that these things I'm going through are to help me get stronger and be more prepared for the inevitable that very well could happen. I'm being equipped. The process is difficult, but I'm sure that God has a plan for good as He promises. There are so many blessings that come from courting a military man and even marrying one. They are strong and disciplined from what I've learned. He helps me be a better person overall. :)

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  6. You have an awesome man! Keep your eyes on God and keep saying #YesToGod! Thank you for sharing your heart!!

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